


Hard Truths

by CanaryCry



Series: DickTiger Week 2018 [2]
Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, DCU, DCU (Comics), Grayson (Comics)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canonical Character Death, DickTigerWeek2018, Emetophobia, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Truth Serum, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-23
Updated: 2018-02-23
Packaged: 2019-03-22 23:28:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13774869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CanaryCry/pseuds/CanaryCry
Summary: DickTiger Week 2018 Day 2: Confession (with some inspiration from the "Bewitched" prompt)A panicked scientist hits Tiger in the face with a truth drug... and Dick Grayson is the last person he wants to be stuck with while weathering its effects. Despite their best efforts to avoid it, some hard, painful truths float to the surface.





	Hard Truths

**Author's Note:**

> The "major character death" warning applies to something in canon. This takes place prior to some of the later issues of Grayson (where some earthshattering secrets are revealed).
> 
> This ended up longer and angstier than expected.

Today was not a good day, and the only positive thought Dick could dredge up was: _Well, at least it wasn't fear gas_.

Tiger had gotten too close to a panicked scientist who had designed a new form of pepper spray with some... additional side-effects. It was actually kind of impressive that Tiger still managed to punch the guy after getting a faceful of the stuff.

After restraining the scientist, Dick had called for Spyral to pick him up. He and Tiger had to make it to the nearest safehouse under their own power, which hadn't been easy. At least Dick had thought to grab milk from the scientist's fridge before leaving, because the safehouse wouldn't have any perishables in it.

Tiger was lying on a camp bed in a rundown shack now, an ice pack wrapped in cloth over his eyes, after several milk-washes and a few rinses with water. The swelling had gone down a bit, and he'd stopped writhing in pain so the burning must've stopped. Or at least diminished. Tiger didn't like to show pain unless it was _really_ bad.

Dick was still swiping through a tablet, working his way through a copy of the scientist's notes to figure out exactly what the hell these side-effects were. All he knew so far was that law enforcement and governments were _super_ interested in getting their hands on this stuff. And he'd just helped Spyral get their hands on the creator. Fuck.

“Dick.” Tiger's voice was hoarse; he'd probably inhaled way too much of whatever the hell this gas was.

“Hmm?”

“Water?”

Dick set the tablet aside and filled up a glass. Tiger sat up, setting the ice pack aside. His eyes were still a little red. He gulped down the water while Dick sat beside him.

“How are you feeling?”

“Fucking terrible.” Tiger's face shifted oddly, as if surprised. “Wait. No. I did not want to say that.”

Dick took the empty glass off him and refilled it. “What were you going to say?”

“I'm fine... but that is a lie. I am not fine. My eyes are burning and my throat feels torn.” He made a frustrated noise. “I did not mean to say that, either.”

Dick passed him the refilled glass. “Maybe this is a side-effect of the gas.”

“That I am forced to tell the truth?” Tiger grimaced. “Fuck.”

“I'll keep checking the notes.” Dick curled up in the one decent armchair in the room and picked up where he left off with the tablet.

“Please do not ask me any more questions,” Tiger muttered. Dick mimed zipping his mouth shut and throwing away the key. Tiger laughed weakly, made another face and chugged the water... evidently to shut himself up.

This had already been a long day. Apparently, it was going to get longer. The notes were disorganised, but the write-ups of human testing proved fruitful. Some of the earlier victims had died from the gas, but the later ones just spilled all their secrets instead. No wonder governments and law enforcement wanted their hands on this shit.

Dick kept reading. Tiger had only gotten a lungful or two of the stuff, whereas most of the test subjects were exposed for several minutes at a time. It would likely wear off in a few hours at most, but it probably wasn't a great idea to take him anywhere until that happened.

“You had a lower dosage than the test subjects,” Dick told Tiger. “Obviously I don't have a great scale to work with, but the subjects' symptoms wore off after twelve hours. It shouldn't take you that long.”

“Good. I am afraid of what I will say.” Tiger growled under his breath and slammed the glass of water in the sink. “And I am already tired of saying things I would rather keep private.”

“I'll update Helena. It might be best if we stay here until it wears off.”

“I would rather not be stuck here with you.” Another weird face. “Excuse me. I need to hide in the bathroom.” He made it in there and slammed the door shut before he said anything else, but his next word was audible all the same. “FUCK!”

Dick got Helena on the comm, feeling simultaneously sorry for Tiger and relieved that he hadn't been the one drugged. He had way too many secrets that could jeopardise his life and mission if they got out.

“Hey, Matron. Sorry I was short earlier. Tiger was in a pretty bad way.”

“It's fine, 37. How is he now?”

“The burning's gotten better and the swelling's gone down a bit,” Dick replied. “He's still in pain, though, and experiencing some side-effects.”

“I'm looking through the data now. A truth drug?”

“Unfortunately, yes. I'm trying not to aggravate it, but we've already had some interesting conversations he hadn't intended. He's barricaded himself in the bathroom for the moment.”

“Stay put until that stops. The safehouse should have enough supplies for the night.”

“Thanks, Helena. I'll update you in a few hours.”

“Try not to let him tell you anything classified. You don't have the clearance for that.”

“That hasn't been an issue so far.” Dick kind of wished it was. Then he could at least pretend to plug his ears and actually learn some interesting intel. But no. Tiger was just getting extremely embarrassed because he admitted he felt like shit rather than pretending everything was fine. Oh, and he didn't want to stay here because that'd mean he'd be stuck with Dick. Ouch.

“Good. Keep it that way.” Helena ended the call, before Dick could ask what exactly she was going to do with the research data. It could be catastrophic in the wrong hands, and Dick honestly wasn't sure there was such a thing as the right hands in a case like this. If he'd known, and if he could've gotten away with it, he sooner would've destroyed all the data and pretended it was an accident.

Tiger wasn't coming out of the bathroom any time soon, so Dick wasted time digging through the rickety kitchen cabinets to see what they had to work with. Cans. And more cans. Salt, pepper, sugar, various dried herbs. Several bags of dry pasta. Several different kinds of teabags. And a jar of honey for some reason.

He filled the stovetop kettle with water and put it on the hotplate. Then he grabbed the box of teabags, and sugar and honey, and knocked on the bathroom door. Tiger opened it a crack and Dick shoved the box at him. He picked the teabag he wanted—a soothing throat coat blend, along with the honey—and retreated again.

“This is gonna be a long night,” Dick muttered to himself as he tore open the teabag packet and set about making the tea. At least it might help Tiger's throat feel better... though maybe he'd be better off drinking it cold. Now would be a good time to make southern sweet tea instead, but Dick had never done that before and didn't feel like experimenting now.

While it steeped, Dick kept looking through the cabinets, pulling out cans here and there. If they were going to be here a while, then Dick was making a late dinner. A very late dinner. He was already kinda hungry.

Nothing spicy. Tiger wouldn't be able to tolerate that. Crushed tomatoes, tuna, pasta, some herbs from the cabinet maybe. Better than yet another freaking cup of instant ramen.

Dick spotted a box of microwave mac and cheese. That could work with the tuna. He found a bag of frozen peas kept closed with a clip. Easier than trying to figure out how to flavour pasta with what he had on hand, given spice was a bad idea.

The tea was done. Dick took out the teabag and squeezed in some honey, stirring it in. Probably still too hot for Tiger given the events of the day.

The bathroom door creaked open as Dick tore open a mac and cheese packet.

“Hey, dude,” Dick said, emptying the macaroni into a bowl. “How do you feel about macaroni and tuna? Might throw some peas in there, too.”

“I am uncertain I want to eat at all,” Tiger said quietly, leaning against the counter. “Do what you like. Is this my tea?”

“It's probably too hot for you yet.” Dick poured out some frozen peas and got the tuna all lined up.

Tiger took a sip anyway, and immediately spat it out into the sink.

“I told you.”

Tiger filled up his glass of water, downed the whole thing, and said pathetically, “I just wanted tea.”

Tonight was giving Dick a hell of a glimpse into the way Tiger's mind worked. He decided not to comment, and instead threw the water-macaroni-powder-peas mix into the microwave. He'd just add the tuna later. Honestly, he was just hoping this worked because he had no idea what we was doing.

“What did Helena say?” Tiger asked.

“To stay here until the truth serum wears off,” Dick replied. “And I'm supposed to make sure you don't tell me anything I don't have clearance for.”

“Great,” Tiger muttered.

“I can plug my ears and sing loudly if you start.”

“Please do not. I have a headache.”

“Sorry to hear that, man.”

“I like hearing that.” Judging from the look on Tiger's face, that was another thing he hadn't wanted to say. This was going to be a rough few hours. “You are kind. I admire that about you.” He leaned against the counter and switched languages. Dick didn't understand what he was saying, but the tone made him think Tiger was swearing.

Dick poured a little cold water into the tea and passed it to Tiger. “Here. Keep your mouth occupied.”

“Thank you. I am going to hide in the bathroom again.” Tiger retreated before he could say anything else.

“I'll call you for dinner.”

He could've sworn he heard Tiger whisper, “Please don't.”

“Food is important!” Dick called after him.

* * *

Tiger would have been more than happy to hide in the bathroom for the next several hours until the drug wore off. He sat on the toilet lid and sipped his tea, his mouth burning a little but he could tolerate it. He felt a little like throwing up. Somehow he had managed not to tell Dick.

His eyes felt like they had been sandpapered. The skin around them was still raw.. Dick had helped him wash off the residue when they first arrived here, but the memory of that burning was still so fresh that he cringed every time he thought about it.

He also cringed every time he thought about all the embarrassing things he had said... and there were more to come. He could hide in here all he liked, but Dick would eventually drag him out to eat something.

At least the tea was soothing on his throat. He had been coughing so violently earlier that he actually did throw up a little when Dick wasn't looking. He didn't know why he cared so much about Dick thinking he was tougher than he really was. Dick wasn't like the other spies. He wouldn't use a moment of weakness as a weapon.

Tiger had spent a long time crafting an untouchable persona, one that seemed to have no effect on Dick at all. The man still teased him, sang songs and chattered incessently. Tiger would not be surprised if his outward lack of receptiveness had actually encouraged him. Alia had behaved the same, except...

Dick was unique, even outside the world of espionage. Uncommonly kind... and Tiger had said that to his face because of this damn drug. If he left this room, what else would he say?

That he thought Dick's strict adherence to his moral code, while inconvenient, was admirable? That his smile made Tiger feel warm? That he was glad Dick was his new partner instead of the numerous assholes in Spyral? That some of his jokes were actually funny?

That, despite their differences, Tiger was falling more in love with him every day? Of all his secrets, that was the most dangerous for both of them... for many reasons.

It would lead to difficult conversations about Alia that Tiger was not ready for. He would never be ready. He missed her every day, and these new feelings for Dick terrified him. Closeness brought pain. Lonely and unharmed was the only option Tiger could stomach.

He was already feeling nauseous. He couldn't do this. If he left this room, he was going to have a breakdown.

A knock on the door brought him dangerously close to tears, and that was even more terrifying. He couldn't let Dick see him like this.

“Dinner,” Dick said through the door. “I know you're not feeling well, but you should eat something. It might help.”

“I would rather hide in here for the rest of my life,” Tiger said, trying to lower the volume so Dick wouldn't hear. Tonight was not his night.

“Believe me, I know. You can go back in there afterwards if you want. I won't ask you any questions.”

Tiger downed the last of the tea, which only made him feel sicker. “I might throw up.”

“Eating some food might help soak up the toxins and make you feel better. Eat a few mouthfuls of peas and I'll leave you alone, I promise.”

“Please stop making sense.”

Dick chuckled. “I'll try. Come out, please?”

“ _Rrrr_. I'm coming.”

“Did you just growl?”

“Yes. Shut up.” He marched out the door and slammed the mug on the counter.

“Thank you,” Dick said, placing a small bowl of peas on the little folding table. The other spot held a disgusting macaroni concoction that made Tiger even sicker just looking at it.

He sat down. “I am glad you're not making me eat _that_.”

“It's really nice, actually. Just not when you feel like puking.”

“I do not want to eat the peas, either.”

Dick sat opposite him. “I know. Please try anyway.”

“If anyone else asked...” Tiger shut himself up by shoving a spoonful of peas in his mouth. It was somewhat effective, even if he still finished his sentence— _I would have punched them by now—_ with a mouthful of peas. But Dick didn't seem to understand what he said, so it worked well enough.

Dick busied himself eating his disgusting tuna-pea-macaroni torture device. There was joyous quiet for a few moments, before Tiger's drugged mouth chose to ruin everything. Again.

“I am glad to be here with you, and not someone else.”

“Oh.” Dick opened his mouth, then closed it again. “Okay. Thanks?”

“Anyone else would use my vulnerability to learn my secrets, and use them against me later.”

“Anyone else is apparently an asshole,” Dick said flatly. Tiger had expected him to make a joke out of it, but he didn't sound like he was joking.

“They are spies... and assholes.” Sentences just would not end where Tiger wanted them to.

“Well, I'm glad you're more comfortable with me.”

“I am not.”

“But—” Dick clamped his mouth shut. “No. I promised I wouldn't question you.”

“Thank you. I am already worried I will say something I will regret.” Tiger's cheeks flashed unpleasantly hot as he remembered everything that had already come out of his mouth. “More than I already have.”

“I won't hold anything against you.” Dick tucked back into his gross macaroni. “You still feel sick?”

“Not as much.”

“Progress.”

“I am making myself sick with anxiety. The peas will not stop that forever.” Tiger was strongly tempted to find some tape and cover his mouth. “I am sorry I complained about being stuck with you.”

“Dude, it's okay. I get it. You're super vulnerable right now.”

“Yes. I also want to tape my mouth shut.”

“ _Yeah_ , I wouldn't recommend that. I was kidnapped a lot as Robin. That shit hurts. And if you need to throw up...”

“I am still tempted, if disgusted.” Tiger scraped up the remaining peas and shoved them in his mouth before he kept talking. He did not want to talk anymore, but his mouth had other ideas. Swallowing was... difficult. He gagged a few times and came dangerously close to vomiting right into the empty bowl.

Dick handed him another glass of water. “Maybe you should lie down for a bit.”

“No.”

“Let the food settle.”

“I cannot be in the same room as you.”

Dick opened his mouth for the—Tiger had lost count how many times—and shut it again.

“What?” Tiger snapped.

“I keep almost asking you questions. Sorry.”

Tiger brought the glass to his lips before he could give away the nice feeling Dick's consideration gave him. Any other time, he would hide his feelings with insults... but he was incapable of lying today. Therefore, he could not insult Dick.

“I don't think you're an idiot,” he said around the glass and sincerely hoped it was inaudible. It was not.

“Why, thank you.” Dick offered him a tight smile, not the natural, bright one that Tiger loved.

Tiger drank more water to keep that thought in his head and not his mouth. But then the glass was empty.

“More water?” Dick snatched the glass out of his hand, filling it up. “You're gonna be peeing all night.”

“I am trying not to talk,” Tiger admitted, not getting the glass to his face quickly enough.

“I figured.” The smile warmed a little. “If you need a break and would rather not hide in the bathroom, my offer to plug my ears and sing is still open.”

Tiger's next thought was so forceful that he couldn't stop it coming out. “Why are you being so kind to me?” It sounded like an accusation. Tiger had no idea if he meant it that way.

“Because I'd hate to be in your position,” Dick said calmly. “We've all got stuff we'd rather keep to ourselves. It's stressing you out, and I hate to see that. No one deserves to go through what you're going through tonight, especially you. I've put you through enough in the short time I've been in Spyral.”

Damn it. Why did he have to be such a good person? Tiger didn't deserve kindness, least of all from the man he had tried so hard to push away.

“You blame yourself for Alia,” Tiger said. Then he chugged half the glass before he could spill any of his feelings, about either Alia or Dick.

“A bit, yeah. I'm surprised you don't completely hate me—but LET'S NOT TALK ABOUT THAT NOW, OKAY?” Dick's voice drowned out whatever had slipped out of Tiger's mouth. Tiger didn't even remember what it was.

But neither of them could stop what Tiger would say next. The words tumbled out in a rush, before Tiger's brain had caught up.

“I don't hate you. I love you.”

There was a moment where they both froze, staring at each other. Then Dick's mouth formed a perfect O shape. Tiger shoved both hands over his own.

Dick recovered first, taking a deep breath and letting it all out. “Okay. We're gonna deal with that later, when you're not at a disadvantage. It's been a long night. Why don't you try to get some sleep. I'll go take a long shower and give you some privacy.”

Tiger numbly stumbled over to the pair of camp beds, falling into the nearest. Dick cleared the table, dumped the dishes in the sink, and retreated to the bathroom. There was a squeaking sound, the shuddering of pipes, and then the patter of water hitting the shower floor.

Tiger buried his face in a flat pillow and fought down the urge to run away. The one thing he couldn't bear to tell Dick... and of _course_ it burst out of him.

Tonight had been bad enough already. How the fuck could he ever face Dick again?

* * *

Tiger was snoring like a chainsaw when Dick left the bathroom, having somehow managed to waste an hour in there. He couldn't risk washing the dishes and waking Tiger up, so he climbed into the second camp bed and tried to catch some shut-eye of his own.

Dick had spent most of his shower and general time-wasting mulling over what the hell had just happened. He still didn't know how to feel about it. Tiger was untouchable. Aloof. Dick had never allowed himself to think of the man as anything but a very grumpy teammate... and maybe a friend. Maybe. Even that was questionable.

He hadn't considered romance as a possibility, because he had genuinely thought it wasn't an option. Knowing what he knew now, though, had all sorts of thoughts running through his head.

Tiger was a good-looking guy. Talented. Hid his true feelings behind scowls and insults, but he had never let Dick down. Not to mention he put up with Dick's generally well-intentioned ribbing, even if he acted like he wanted to throw Dick out a window most of the time.

It was a difficult thing to reconcile, Tiger's usual attitude with what was really going on in his head. Dick had fully expected him to keep secrets—he was a spy, duh—but he'd anticipated they were of the more murdery variety. Not harbouring feelings for someone he pretended to hate.

Dick needed more time to process this and sort out what the hell _he_ was feeling.

Sleep was elusive. He had it just within his reach when a sharp movement and squeaking of the other cot grabbed his attention.

Tiger sighed, sitting up with his head in his hands. Dick lay still for a moment. Had enough time passed that the drug had worn off? If not, it was probably best he pretend to be asleep. They had things to talk about, but it just didn't seem fair to do that when Tiger was incapable of choosing his words.

“I know you are awake,” Tiger muttered. “And apparently the drug is still active.”

“Damn.” Dick sat up. “You feeling better?”

“Physically, yes. Emotionally, between embarrassing myself today and waking up from another nightmare about Alia, I want to crawl in a hole and bury myself.” Tiger rubbed a hand over his face. “I also want to punch that scientist again. Maybe shoot him.”

“You and me both, buddy. Well, minus the shooting.” Dick pasted on a smile and climbed out of bed. “I think I spied some ice cream in the freezer before. Want any? Might help with the pepper spray damage... and I always find ice cream makes me feel better emotionally.”

“Okay. Thank you.”

Dick had no idea who stocked this safehouse, or why they put ice cream in the freezer, but he was damn grateful right about now. He spooned generous portions into two bowls and brought them over to Tiger, who hadn't gotten out of bed and probably wanted to throw the blankets over his head and pretend Dick wasn't here.

“Sit with me,” Tiger said, accepting the bowl.

“Is this you voicing thoughts against your will again?”

“Yes.” Tiger shoved the spoon in his mouth and gestured grumpily at the end of the bed.

“Feel free to kick me off if you change your mind,” Dick said, folding one leg underneath him as he sat.

There was quiet for a few moments as Tiger very carefully busied himself with eating vanilla ice cream. Dick did the same. Maybe it'd buy him some time so he could figure out how the hell to deal with this when he didn't understand what his own emotions were doing.

Tiger finished his ice cream all to quickly. He stared down at the bowl with a frown.

“I can get you some more if you want,” Dick offered.

“The only reason I would want more is to stop myself from talking,” Tiger said. “I am only delaying the inevitable. Did I make you uncomfortable?”

“No,” Dick replied. “You confused me.” If Tiger had to be honest, then the least Dick could do was be honest right back. “I honestly thought you hated me up until that slipped out.”

“I stopped hating you a long time ago,” Tiger said quietly.

“That's good to know.” Dick's ice cream was melting; he scooped up the rest and shoved it in his mouth. “This isn't a fair conversation.”

“Avoiding it is exhausting.” Tiger slid out of bed and put the bowl in the sink, turning on the tap. “I cannot keep doing it.”

“Doesn't mean we have to actively seek it out if you don't want to.” Dick joined him at the sink, adding his bowl to the dish pile. “We've got to talk about it, but it doesn't have to be tonight.”

“We may not have a choice,” Tiger said bitterly, squirting dishwashing liquid into the water.

Dick found a sponge and got started on an ice cream bowl since it was the first thing he grabbed. “I'm not gonna ask you about it.”

“I am afraid of what you think of me now,” Tiger admitted. “I hate that I care for you so much that you have the power to hurt me. Sometimes I wish we had never met.”

Dick didn't know what to say to that, so he focused on that last bit. “Ouch.”

“No, I—”

“Tiger, relax. I know you didn't mean it in a cruel way.” There were so many questions running through Dick's mind, but he forced them all down like he had at dinner. “Okay, look.” He set the washed bowl on the draining rack and set down the sponge, managing to catch Tiger's eye. “I need time to digest all this. You did a damn good job keeping me out, to the point where I didn't even think you liked me as a friend, let alone as anything else.”

“That was intentional.”

“I figured. I just... don't know how I feel, okay? Just know I'm not judging you. I'm not straight, either. We need to talk about this again once I've figured out what my emotions are doing and you're not forced to say every thought that pops into your head.”

“I do not want to talk about it at all,” Tiger admitted. “I am afraid of my own feelings _and I am going to punch that fucking scientist repeatedly in the face_. Do we have any knockout drugs? Tranquilizers? I want to be unconscious.”

“We used them on the scientist's guards,” Dick replied. “Sorry.”

“Damn it.” Tiger took up the sponge and started washing the next bowl. “I want to gag myself.”

Dick was on the edge of asking _hasn't the worst already happened_? He stopped himself just in time. Tiger frowned at him.

Dick left him there to tidy up the camp beds... and put a little distance between them. Gagging Tiger seemed wrong, but if that was what it took to stop him freaking out...

“Losing Alia broke me,” Tiger said softly, running the sponge across the bowl in slow, uselessly repetitive circles. “I still dream about it. Holding her as she died.”

“I'm sorry.” Dick didn't know what else he could say.

“Stop. Please. I no longer blame you.” Tiger dropped the bowl onto the drying rack with a crash. “She thought it best to eliminate him as a threat even after you had completed our mission, and he retaliated. You could not stop it. I understand that now, just as I understand trying to make you kill is ineffective... even if it would solve many problems.”

“That's not gonna happen.”

“I know.” Tiger braced his hands on the counter, leaning forward, head bowed. “Alia and were... close. I mistook my intense platonic feelings for romantic love for a long time. She understood when I ended our romantic relationship, and we grew even closer. I had never experienced anything like it. Losing her was... bad. I lack the words to describe the... hole it left in me.” His voice dropped to a whisper. “I thought I was going to die.”

Dick knew how that felt. He had also seen the people he loved go through it. Bruce still carried a haunted look on his face on the bad nights, especially the anniversaries. Both their parents. Jason. Barbara's near-death. Stephanie. Damian. And that was just within the family.

Tiger had acted so... firm. Dick had missed the signs. He should've looked deeper. Maybe, on some level, he had known. Those distraction tactics—the jokes, the singing, the teasing—were all things he had used on Bruce and the rest of the family when their thoughts took a dark turn. Apparently he'd become so adept that he did it subconsciously now.

“I know the feeling,” Dick said, through a sizeable lump in his throat.

Tiger closed his eyes. Dick didn't like the stricken look on his face. They were beyond what words could fix, and Dick had run out of other ideas... except one.

Dick joined him at the sink and opened his arms. “You look like you could use a hug.”

Tiger hesitated for half a second, before wrapping his arms tightly around Dick's torso. Dick gave him a squeeze. Tiger seemed to deflate, slumping against him and burying his face in Dick's shoulder. Tonight had been awful. A lot of stuff had been aired that probably needed airing, but it sucked that Tiger hadn't been given a choice.

A soft voice, more breath than sound. “Thank you.”

* * *

When the drug finally wore off, Tiger was first out the door. The sooner they returned to base, the sooner he could pretend this had never happened.

Dick's last words to him before entering Helena's office were: “Listen. I wanna talk about what happened at some point now that we're on even ground. But I need time to process everything, and I think you do, too. Promise we'll deal with this in, like, a week?”

Tiger had found himself nodding, even though he still wanted to find a hole and bury himself. Dick had been very kind about what had happened, but now there were two simultaneous fears fighting for space in Tiger's mind: either Dick would realise that he did not reciprocate Tiger's feelings and then everything would be awkward between them, or Dick would realise that he _did_ and maybe they would try to be together and then one of them would die or Tiger would ruin everything in some way.

He let Dick handle the debrief with Helena as much as possible. The strain of fighting the drug had been immense, even moreso because Tiger had also been pepper-sprayed in the process. He still really wanted to kill that scientist.

Dick and Tiger parted ways after debriefing. Tiger yawned through a medical exam that confirmed what he already knew: he would be fine after resting.

Tiger was more than happy to go bed. And hide. Possibly forever.

Perhaps it was childish, but Tiger spent most of the next few days hiding in his room. He trained, ate, prayed where necessary and then immediately retreated. He was not ready to face Dick, and likely never would be.

At the end of that night, he had been so exhausted that he had given up holding back. He had told Dick the things he had never told anyone. Helena had tried to convince him to receive counselling after Alia died, but he couldn't do it. Giving voice to that pain made it too real. So he had curled around it like a mother tiger, growling at anyone who dared come close.

Unfortunately, or maybe _fortunately_ , Dick had ignored the warnings and snuck through his defences anyway. Perhaps he had not quite understood Tiger was hurting, but he saw the emotional walls and responded with teasing and jokes and awful improvised songs. Tiger had almost given in and smiled on more than one occasion.

Dick was special. Tiger was broken.

They would not work together. Even if they did, well...

Tiger did not want to think about how many things could go wrong. Being a spy was dangerous in so many ways, physically and psychologically.

Maybe if Tiger hid in his room long enough, Dick would give up and move on. Everybody loved him. Alia had been among them. Well, she was extremely attracted to him and more than willing to sleep with him a few times. She had been far too practical to love someone who didn't fit into her spying life.

Thinking about her made his stomach hurt. Sometimes he would glance to his side in a fight, or up at the nearest sniping position, and expect to see her there. Returning to reality felt like a punch. Or a gunshot.

Tiger could not suffer that kind of loss again.

A week passed. But Dick was not content to let him hide away for longer than that, no matter how hard Tiger tried to avoid him.

Ten days into his self-imposed exile, there was a soft knock on Tiger's bedroom door.

Tiger opened with a perfect scowl set into place and the flattest, most unimpressed voice he could manage. “ _What_?”

Dick smiled back at him. “Hi.”

“How did you find my room?”

“Helena,” Dick said simply.

Of course she did. Helena never stayed out of anything if she could help it. If meddling was an Olympic sport, that woman would win the gold medal every time.

Tiger slouched back inside and sat heavily on his bed. Dick followed him in and shut the door.

“We need to have that talk,” he said.

“And if I refuse?”

Dick shrugged. “Things will be super awkward on the next mission and we'll both want to scream every moment we're forced to be in the same room as each other?”

“I feel that way whenever you sing.” Tiger was so relieved he was no longer forced to say the simple, ungarnished truth. Insults were more fun, and did not leave him feeling exposed.

The corner of Dick's mouth lifted. “Cute. Can we be serious now, please? I know that's, like, super ironic coming from me, but I really want to talk about this. And us.”

“Us?” Tiger hated the swell of hope in his chest. He hated that he wanted Dick to feel the same way he did. He hated having feelings at all. He was Spyral's best agent—that was not an exaggeration; he was Agent 1 for a reason—but he couldn't control his own emotions.

“Yes,” Dick said. “Us. I just... I wanna lay it all out, okay? We've talked about Alia. I know losing her hurt you. A lot. So if, once I'm done, it's too much for you, we can agree to set it aside and move on. But I really wanna talk about it first.” Dick sat beside him. “Will you let me? Please?”

Tiger didn't know what convinced him. The earnestness? The understanding? The _pleading_? Or all of it. It did not matter. He nodded and let Dick take his hand. Their fingers laced together. Tiger liked it more than he wanted to.

“I took some time to think about what you said,” Dick told him, patting his hand. “And, you know, how I felt about it. The whole thing took me by surprise, like I already said. But it got me thinking things that I hadn't let myself think, you know?”

“Dick, please get to the point.” Tiger could not bear another moment of this rambling pretext.

“I got a glimpse into your brain that night,” Dick said. “It sucked, because it wasn't your choice, but it made me understand you a whole lot better. And I realised I've been holding myself back. I've gotten pretty good at denying myself things I want, to the point that sometimes I don't even realise I want them.”

“ _Dick_.”

“I have feelings for you,” Dick finally said. “They need time to grow now that I've actually let them see the sun, but they're there.”

The hope blooming in Tiger's chest both warmed and hurt him. “Are you sure?” He wanted this—he wanted Dick—but the fear gnawed his insides.

“I'm sure,” Dick said gently. “I wouldn't be here otherwise.”

Dick was a good man. A kind man. Tiger... was not. Fear of losing him aside, Tiger could not understand why someone like Dick would want someone like Tiger. There were so many reasons why Dick would not want him, and Tiger could not understand why he did.

“I can't explain it, Tiger,” Dick said as if reading his mind. “Sometimes feelings just happen. The chemistry was there this whole time—I mean, have you heard our banter? All I needed was permission.”

Dick's hand anchored him, kept from drifting too far into the bad memories. The days following Alia's death, when Tiger's emotions felt like they were suffocating him. Those days were over. Tiger had pulled himself through somehow, and now he was here.

“I might panic,” Tiger said.

“Tiger, I know loss, and I have seen so many different ways of coping with it. I can be patient. If you need space at any point, tell me and you'll have it.” Dick lifted Tiger's hand, kissing his knuckle. “I want to try... but only if you do, too.”

Tiger wanted this. Badly. So badly he thought he would burst out of his skin. Dick was spectacular. Wonderful. Thrilling. Terrifying. And so, so understanding.

He found himself nodding. The fear swelled within him and he wanted to cry, but somehow he managed to smile. He probably looked pained.

“We'll take things slow, I promise,” said Dick. “Letting people in is hard.”

“Spyral cannot know.”

“I'm pretty sure Helena knows already. The look she gave me when I asked where your room was...”

Great. “Helena is not all of Spyral.”

“And she did help me.” Dick shuffled closer. “I think we're good.”

Tiger cupped Dick's chin with his free hand. Dick's bright blue eyes sparkled in the same way they did when he was thinking up new ways to annoy Tiger. This man was going to be the death of him. He also had a nice mouth.

“Whatcha thinking?” Dick asked.

“Your mouth,” Tiger replied. “I want to kiss it.”

“Then kiss it. And me along with it, obviously.”

Tiger leaned in, and touched their lips together. It only lasted a second, but it felt right. Dick reeled him back in for another one, and that one felt even better.

That night with the truth drug had been one of the worst nights Tiger had experienced in a long time, but something good had come from it. A romantic relationship would not fix him, but Dick's support could help him weather the bad moments. Maybe it was time to show his hurt, rather than bury it and pretend it did not exist.

Pretending he wasn't suffering would not bring Alia back, and it did not make him feel better. Running from his pain had only hurt him even more. He had to face it. And then punch it in the face by letting himself experience everything his fear had pushed away.

Tiger wanted to be loved. He wanted to be happy. He wanted Dick. He was _going_ to have all those things, misbehaving brain be damned.

Dick smiled against Tiger's mouth. “Does this mean I can call you Tig now?”

“ _No_.”


End file.
